Peace

Seems like I'm not so emo after a week.

I wonder what came over me.

I feel better today.

I hope.

But part of me is still emo, thinking, sad.

Hopeless

I didn't mention, did I?

That the girl I like, YX, is lesbian.

wtf.

Changes

I hate changes.
I'm a creature of habit.
I hate growing older.
I hate losing friends.
I hate forgetting friends.

I saw my pri one friend today. Dempster. I saw him a few months ago too.
But I guess he doesn't recognise me.

I hate seeing the people I know change.

I hate changing myself.

I missed old times.

Headache

I don't know what's what anymore.

My head hurts.

My brain hurts.

I can't think anymore.

Understand

I don't understand me at all.

I can't forgive myself, even though others said it's alright.
I can't forgive myself, even though I keep telling myself it's alright.

I wanna cry. I wanna give up and try from the start.
New Game. Delete save file.

I keep on telling myself that I wouldn't reget whatever choice I made.
Because I made it myself. No one forced me to.
I'm regretting it now.
I'm so fucking jealous of others.
I can't see how lucky I am.
I can only see how lucky others are.

Now I've screwed up my own life. With no one to blame.

Fuck. I'm regreting everthing right now. EVERTHING.

I keep on saying stuffs on impulse. Stuffs that says what I really meant. Stuffs that are not filtered. Stuffs that other people hate to hear.

Fuck. I don't think anyone will care if I were to die right now.

Maybe that's why I want to take over the world. At least somebody will be happy if I died.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.
DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT.

I wish that I could turn back time~

Correct all those mistake I've made.

Then maybe, I could really take the path I want.

Paranormal Investigater.

Is it too late now?

I'm really suffering from low morale, confidence etc. etc. right now.

Fuck. Others can get A. I can only get B. Fuck this world. I'm gonna conquer this world someday.
Definately. I hope.

Want

What do I really want anyway?

I keep searching for myself.
Searching for myself in other people.
Hoping to find all the answers in others.

I can't forgive myself.

I hate myself.

ボクは何が欲したい?

Thinking

I know it's been a while since i wrote here.

Didn't have time. Didn't wanna write. Too tired to write. Didn't feel like writing.

Been thinking. I hate myself.
I hate myself for liking little boys.
I hate myself for liking men.
I hate myself for being me.

I don't know what to believe in anymore.
I can't even trust myself, how can i trust others?

I didn't want to do it. But yet I did.

I'm disgusted with myself.
I'm a homophobic, yet I'm homosexual.
Maybe I'm homosexual, maybe saying that I'm bisexual is just a way of escape.

I lost. I've (non)officially screwed up myself.

Hell.