The Truth

Tuesday, 010311.

I've told him what I thought. I didn't think he'll ask so soon. I wanted to wait at least the first month is over.

所谓长痛不如短痛

So I told him the truth.

Fuck it. It's all my fault. My fault for asking him first. My fault for making him fall so hard for me. My fault for testing out my own feelings. My fault for being so selfish.

He told me how I'd changed him. And now he'll turn back to before after this.

I shouldn't have used him to test my feelings for guys. I didn't wanted it to end this way. I'm probably the stupidest person in this world. In this universe. He keeps on showering his love on me, yet I can't ever reciprocate a bit.

I knew I wasn't normal. I didn't know it was till this extend.

I tried not to promise him anything, because I'm uncertain myself. Replying to him with a "I try". But it still ended up this way.

AAARRRRGGGG..... WHY AM I LIKE THIS? WHY CAN'T I EVEN TELL HOW I FEEL? HAVE I REALLY LOST ALL FEELINGS?

Then what is this urge to cry?

Why can't I cry even when I wanted to?

Why is it that hard for me to know my true feelings?

Fuck. Maybe I'll never have the courage to fall in love again.

Oh wait, how can I if I still do not understand what love is? *sarcasm.