Me Myself And I

Tuesday. Jan 25. 2011.

"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming"

Well, that really sums up my mood now. Today after night training, I accidentally injured WF. And a few weeks ago, during the COC parade, I injured TR.

I'm a violent person. Ever since secondary school, when I was always bullied, I've developed a violent personality.

It's really something like a self-defense mechanism.

When people teased me, I'd almost always try to retaliate physically. If they didn't stop at the first time, the second hit will be harder. And so on. And the force will definitely increase exponentially.

Until someone gets hurt.

Then I'll feel guilty all over. Because that's not the effects I wanted to have. What I really wanted is for them to stop. Stop the teasing. Stop trying to know me. Stop acting all friendly with me.

Stop trying to understand me.

"Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding"

Leave me alone. Really. Drop all the farce. I really don't need other people. Don't need other humans. If I tried hard enough, I could probably live alone by myself.

Maybe that's why I hate humans.

Maybe that's why I want to destroy this world.

Maybe that's why I don't believe in anything. Probably not even myself.

"No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there"

Welcome to my Life - Simple Plan.